Voldemort Wants You to Eat Your Vegetables
by bluemeanies
Summary: Minerva McGonagall's doubts the Headmaster's judgement and sanity when he informs her of his appointment of Severus Snape to the position of Potion's Master and Head of Slytherin. Or she would if she thought he had any when it came to running her school. Sequel to 'Courtship', can be read seperately


**Note: **This story could be considered a sequel to _Courtship_. I also plan to leave it In Progress and use it as a place where any short stories relating to the year subsequent to it will be posted in a collection. Every installment is its own complete vignette though.

Voldemort Wants you to Eat Your Vegetables

Sometimes Minerva McGonagall couldn't help but find her job to consist entirely of a series of problems, the biggest of which was the Albus Dumbledore Is Completely Off His Rocker Problem. Half, Minerva supposed, of her gray hairs had come from being the second in command to the Wizarding World's greatest lunatic. The rest came from various sources (teaching, Gryffindor, co-workers, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor and Voldemort among them) and she was beginning to wonder how long it would take her to go completely gray.

Minerva suspected that she might soon have another occasion to bemoan the headmaster's eccentricity. No, he did not normally become heavily involved in school affairs this soon after term, nor did he ask her to do many assignments with the Order ("keeping the school running and providing an atmosphere of normalcy for our students is the most important thing you can do for the war," he had told her, i.e. she needed to do his job), but Horace Slughorn popping into her office gleeful about finally being able to retire from his post and setting up on some tropical island out of apparition range with plenty of pineapples, put her on guard for Dumbledore's summons. Either Horace had misinterpreted some attempt to make him stay as permission to leave, in which case the task of getting him back would be time-consuming. Or, Dumbledore was actually letting him leave, in which case Minerva was going to have a whole new set of problems.

Of course, Horace Slughorn had his own set of problems. There was the Blatant Favoritism Towards Chosen Students Problem, the Extreme Apathy and Disregard for all Students Remotely Interested in the Dark Lord Problem and the two together created the Horace Slughorn has Absolutely No Control Over Three Quarters of the House He Heads Problem. And then there was the fact that all too often his classes were ended by a Cauldron Goes Boom and Releases Potentially Toxic Fumes Problem. These problems, however, were all familiar.

The new problems would start because Slytherin would need a new Head of House. Because of the Heads of Houses Should Teach Core Classes Problem combined with the Binns is a Bloody Ghost Problem, the We Cannot Keep a Defense Teacher for More Than a Year Problem, the Astronomy Works on a Completely Different Schedule than the Rest of the School Problem and the decidedly non-problem that she, Filius and Pomona held the other three core spots and none of them were retiring anytime soon the new Potions Teacher would also have to be Head of House. This eliminated three quarters of the hiring pool and left them with a bunch of candidates all with the same problem, the Death Eaters Want to Infiltrate Hogwarts Problem. Granted, there were plenty of Slytherins who had not turned to Him, but what they needed was someone from a house notorious for its ambition, cunning and self-preservation who was willing to a) teach school and b) accept a teacher's salary all while c) in the country at ground zero of the biggest wizarding war in forty years. Everyone figured that if they let Horace retire the applicants would look like a who's who of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named's trusted followers (those who he wasn't willing to discard as one-year defense wonders- it had been what 3? times in the last ten years). This was the fifth year in a row Horace had tried to retire, and while Filius had flippantly suggested that they might as well hire a Death Eater if he could keep the Slytherins under control and tell them that Voldemort wanted them to eat their vegetables, no one was going to let him go. Except apparently Dumbledore.

She glanced down at her desk, and looked at the paperwork there. She had been meaning to get the offers of admittance out early this year so there wasn't only a week between the sending out and the July 31st deadline for acceptance like the Headmaster apparently preferred, but had been stalled on the C's for the last few hours. She stretched and yawned, resigning herself to not getting ahead of the typical Convincing Parents to Send Their Children Away in the Middle of a War and Rushing to Visit All Muggleborns and Demonstrating that Magic is Real Problems tonight. She would go and see if the Headmaster was in to inform her of what was happening with Horace and then she'd get a nice cup of cocoa and curl into bed.

As she approached the Headmaster's office she could have sworn she saw the swishing of a black cloak turning the corner into the hallway leading to the entrance hall but decided she must have imagined it. None of the other teachers were in and it was far too early for students. "Liquorice Wands," she whispered and the gargoyle sprang aside. She went up the staircase and cracked open the door, wanting to check whether the office was occupied.

"Minerva," a cheerful voice called to her. "I was just about to summon you, come in, and sit down."

She opened the door and walked to the chair across the desk from him. This was the chair so many of her headaches started in. She waited for him to continue.

"Minerva, I have a duty I wish for you to perform for the Order," Albus said. Minerva was slightly shocked. Since Aphides* had died, Christmas holidays of '76, that would be four and a half years ago now, she and Hagrid had been the only members on staff who were part of the Order of the Phoenix and neither of them had many duties. Sure, Filius would readily consult with any former student on the theory and practice of charms, particularly as relates to dueling, and Pomona would grow anything the Headmaster requested in the greenhouses, no questions asked, but they both were firm on not being directly involved. Horace avoided anything having to do with the war like a first years bubbling over cauldron.

He must have noticed her shock because he said, "Don't worry Minerva; what I'm asking for is neither dangerous nor time consuming."

"I wasn't worried about that," Minerva said, though truthfully she had. More so about the time consuming than the danger. A professor of the core curriculum at Hogwarts had 12 or 22 sections (one for each House for the first five years and sixth and seventh year Newts, or 2 dual house double length sections for the first five years plus sixth and seventh years) plus she had her Deputy Head duties on top of it. Still, despite her Not Enough Hours in the Day Problem she knew that she would do what he asked of her to help the war effort.

"Very good, Minerva," Albus said, his eyes twinkling. She knew he must be up to something. "What I am about to say to you must not leave this room. None of the other Professors or any of the students here are to know anything about this."

"Understood," she said curtly. Of course she kept all Order business secret.

"Minerva, do you remember Severus Snape?" he asked.

She nodded. Minerva remembered all the students that she had taught, and even if she hadn't he had been a significant sub-problem to the Class of 1978 is Going to Send Me to an Early Grave problem. He had been smart enough, she supposed, in every subject but hers, but what had really gotten her attention was The Never-Ending Cycle of Violence between Gryffindor and Slytherin Problem as it manifested in a four (usually) on one (frequently) fight. She was actually kind of scared that the boy could hold his own some times, and there were rumors that he had written some of his nasty curses himself. More recently he had applied for last year's DADA position and had been rejected. Minerva understood that there had been An Incident involved with his interview, but she had never asked for details. He was also on the Order's watch list as a known associate of Death Eaters and a suspected Death Eater himself. All of his tails, however, reported nothing more than the reclusive life of an apprentice potioner – Minerva glared at Albus.

Dumbledore grinned, "I can see that you do." Minerva chuckled at that despite herself and Dumbledore continued, "Young Severus has been helping me for the past year, passing on very useful information regarding certain parties, information that has led to the apprehension of several associates of Voldemort." Minerva nodded, unsure what this had to do with her. It was unexpected information, yes, but even more unexpected was that Dumbledore was sharing this with her instead of one of the other Order Members associated with reconnaissance (Alastor Moody or Remus Lupin for instance). As if sensing her thoughts, he said, "Until now Moody has been his secondary contact in the Order, in case I am uncontrollably detained, but that arrangement has proven less than satisfactory."

"I bet," Minerva replied. Alastor Moody tended to be deeply suspicious of everyone and doubly so with anyone with Death Eater friends, relatives or barbers. He was excellent at examining a room and picking out clues, but he was probably not the type of person who could easily get on with fragile allies. Severus Snape had been a student who was easily offended by even the slightest remark or suspicion. Putting those two together in the same room was likely to result in sparks, and not of the romantic kind.

"Then you would understand that it would be a good idea to appoint a new secondary contact. Minerva, I was thinking that you would be the most appropriate choice," Dumbledore said.

Minerva snorted. "Albus, if you are unavailable it is probably to do with the school." That was slightly optimistic, but it wasn't time to bring up the The Headmaster Devotes All His Time to the War Problem. "If you are unavailable, I'll probably be stuck at Hogwarts as well."

"I suspect that any meeting you will have with him will occur at Hogwarts," Albus replied.

"And why, Albus, would Hogwarts be the preferred place for a meeting with a Death Eater spy?" Minerva replied, though she already suspected. "Have you appointed him to defense?" she added, aiming for the slightly less insane notion.

"Of course not," Dumbledore replied with his infuriatingly implacable grin. "It would not do to lose a valuable spy to the defense curse. Severus will be taking over for Horace, who if I am correct is right now packing for a long overdue retirement to Fiji."

"Albus, as tempting as this notion might seem, I must protest that this is not in the best interest of our students," she replied.

"Oh, I'm sure Horace will keep up his correspondence from his bungalow. Besides, I fully expect that he will be back in a year, Horace was never one to separate himself from society, indeed he has always been happiest in the midst of wheeling and dealing with his prominent connections," he said. Minerva thought he had rather intentionally missed the point.

"I mean for there to be a Death Eater on staff," Minerva said. "You-Know-Who will have him recruiting students and expect him to be spying on us for him. Goddess forbid there is ever an attack on Hogwarts."

"Voldemort has managed to place a Death Eater on staff for six of the last ten years," Dumbledore said. "The only difference will be that we will know about it and he is on our side."

"And are you sure of that?" Minerva said. Her mind was slowly processing this when a realization struck her, "Wait, six?! I can recall only three, Nabokov, Yaxley and Fae."

"Winslow would have been your first year of teaching, Phyla and I handled that one with greatest secrecy because we were still unsure of the Dark Lord's purpose," Dumbledore said. "I've only just heard of Brimsley and Bloodaxe myself."

"Professor Bloodaxe? The Goblin who would only speak in Mermish on Mondays?" Minerva asked.

"It seems that even in retirement Professor Bloodaxe will continue to astound us," Dumbledore said. "If Voldemort believes he has already infiltrated the school the chances for further such surprises will be less. Though our pool of qualified defense teachers may dry up if he quits trying to get a supporter in that position," he added thoughtfully.

"And do you at least have a non-Death Eater in mind for defense then?" Minerva said.

"Oh, indeed," Dumbledore said. "Mr. Colin Martin is merely involved in the illicit sale of class A contraband, nothing to do with the war."

"That's nice to know," she said dryly.

"Indeed," he said. "Though in the future, without attempts to infiltrate we may have a shortage of applicants." She stared at him for a moment while he was lost in thought until he continued, "I shall tell Mr. Snape and Mr. Martin to contact you for new teacher training next Monday. And we shall have to establish a code word for Severus to indicate he needs to talk to you about extra-curricular concerns."

As if any other type of concern interested the Headmaster. "Vegetables," she said. "If he needs to speak to me about You-Know-Who he should say vegetables." And she exited the door, climbed down the stairs and went back to her office where she made herself a hot cocoa with a double shot of whiskey and began lamenting the upcoming year and her new Vegetables Problem.

*_Professor Phyla Aphides had been the Herbology Professor, Head of Hufflepuff and Assistant Headmistress to Albus Dumbledore when he became Headmaster and Minerva replaced him in Transfiguration and Gryffindor, as well as a key member of the Order. Over Christmas break of 1976 she had been out working for the Order of the Phoenix, foiling a plot on the life of Barty Crouch Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement involving both Dancing Daffodils and Tapping Tulips (don't ask). Unfortunately things got out of hand and she was pressed by perennials (really, don't ask). The position of Deputy went to Minerva despite the objection of the Board of Governor's to both the Head and Deputy being from the same house by virtue of Hufflepuff being vacant and Horace and Filius yelling 'not it' faster than her._

**Disclaimer: **JK Rowling owns all of Minerva's problems.


End file.
